Identity – Holding on to your identity in a relationship.


I love that Identity is today’s prompt. I’ve been thinking of “Identity” the last few days.


I took this photo at Cannon Beach two years ago and used it as a backdrop for my “Second Chances”  Poem? Mission Statement? Not sure what I would call it. Second Chances – Here for A Reason

The photo was significant in several ways. One, it is the day my husband, pups and I got caught in riptide. I think that is what it is called. That is a story in and of its self. Future blog maybe. It seemed appropriate for a second chance poem.

The next significance was the people in the photo. Not sure who they are, but it reminds me of the second part of my mission statement. To experience life to the fullest. Sometimes that will be a shared experience, sometimes it will be a solo adventure.

The trigger for this insight?

I received a call recently with an opportunity to travel with a friend to London. My husband and I often take separate trips. He goes once a year somewhere with an old Air Force buddy and I have taken trips with my sister. It is not unusual for us to have what I call separate experiences. This time my husband expressed concern. It wasn’t who I was traveling with. It was the wife of a good friend of his. It was the distance I suppose. The political unrest of London.

I told him I appreciated his concern about the terrorist dangers of London, but that I felt I had to take advantage of this opportunity for a new experience. I was a bit unyielding and he conceded.

My attention goes back to this photo almost as validation of my decision. In the photo two people are together, having similar, yet different experiences at their own pace. The woman is in full stride and the man is slower, looking at his phone. He is in no race to catch up with her, seemingly happy to be experiencing the beach in his own way, at his own pace.

When we are in a relationship it is easy to buy into we are one. You see it on wedding cards, hear it in toasts. I offer a different perspective. We are not one. Telling ourselves we are joined at the hip as one only makes two half people. We are in fact individuals with our own identity having both shared experiences and individual experiences. We bring together our full identities, our full circles merge and in the center of both circles is the “joined” person/identity if you would.

Do not apologize for being who you are separate from your spouse, do not ask them to become something they are not, do not change who you are in the attempt to become one. Enjoy your separateness as well as what makes you unique as a couple.




4 thoughts on “Identity – Holding on to your identity in a relationship.

  1. Oh, the Places We See

    Love the philosophy you have expressed in this piece. My husband and I also have separate interests, yet we are happiest when we are together. We find that a little space makes the heart grow fonder! Thanks for following Oh, the Places We See. Great to have you looking at the world along with us.


  2. Philip Ruskins

    This is a discovery that many will realize after a few hundred years have elapsed. I agree. In love, we should present Wholes on the table. The concept of two halves getting married into One, is evident of so many divorce cases in the world because none of them is awake and in that state its impossible to really love or be loved fully..


  3. Megha's World

    So beautiful and true advice for the couple. The more we celebrate the separateness in each other personality the more connected we are.Me and my husband are opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of choice in music, arts etc. We do hit a common ground somewhere where we share our time together. Again, a very beautiful post. Thanks for sharing!!



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