Does anyone else build their covers before the book is complete? I like to have a final cover once I vet my story out. It helps me manifest the final product. I can’t decide between these two covers. The story is about a dog that helps his owner find love. That makes me lean toward the dog with the flowers.
Please let me know what you think.
Everyday Matters.
I superimposed my mini-me Bitmoji avatar onto a favorite vacation spot in Ireland. I have it as my screen saver on my computer and iPhone as a reminder that every day matters when you are going about your everyday matters.
The round rocks in the Giant’s Causeway are a result of an ancient volcanic fissure eruption. They are beautiful and the view is breathtaking.
Life is short. Sometimes it feels like we are in a hamster wheel repeating each day like ground-hog-day. Days blur together and it seems like one day is no different than the next. Lather, rinse and repeat. It may feel that way, but it is not true. Every day matters and everything we say and do in that day matters as we go about our everyday matters.
Why does it matter that I superimposed a comic image over a volcanic rock? It matters to me. It represents a few things.
My decision to live my best life after a brain-bleed inspired spending quality time with family and friends, to get out of the house more, take more vacations and stress less about work. Ireland was a new vacation spot for me in my quest to experience new things. The rocks are round and smooth but the path to the top can be a bit rocky. Pun intended. I love this photo. As I walked up the path I thought ‘I’m okay with a rocky path because I know my foundation is strong like the columns that formed these rocks bursting through the fissures.’
How we respond to life’s eruptions matter. For that matter, we are in full control. We can choose our response, our reactions. We can stay positive and mindful or we can spiral out of control and lash out at those around us.
How we spend our day is not a trivial matter. In fact, it is a matter to take quite seriously. What matters most is that you are true to yourself each day. As a matter of fact, staying in your integrity is one of the few things we have control of when we make decisions that matter or in our response to someone when we have asked them if something is the matter.
Please trust me in these matters. Life is short and the days are shorter. Don’t waste them especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Today’s daily prompt Mallet reminded me to be mindful of watching for signs that I am repeating patterns. Do you ever find yourself saying “why does this keep happening?” When I find myself thinking What the? Again? I take a moment to see if there is a pattern. If there is a pattern, I try to figure out if there is a life lesson that is trying to hit me over the head like a mallet until I get it.
I think the saying time heals all wounds was meant to be soothing, but it can also be a double edge sword. Time can make you hold on to resentments. It can also keep you from giving people the opportunity to change, to see them in a different light. You continue to react to them based on their past behaviors setting up a continuous cycle. Waiting on time to heal your wound wastes the time you could have spent cherishing what precious time we have left. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. While you are letting “time” heal your wounds, you may lose the opportunity to bridge that friendship or relationship.
I never put much thought into the saying never go to bed angry until my brain bleed. What if the person you are mad at dies before you have forgiven them? What if someone dies before they have forgiven you? Things you wish you could have said or heard will never leave your lips or pass your ears. Moments you could have spent together during your cooling off period are lost forever.
I remember my sister telling me some ten years ago that she was afraid to make me mad because she was afraid I would cut her out of my life. Our parents had passed,
“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” ― Kurt Cobain
I love this quote. I saw it on twitter today. I agree it is much better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not. Stand in your integrity be authentic, and you will be loved for who you are. Not everyone will love “the true you.” So what. The people that see the real you and love you and all of your perceived flaws are the only people that matter. If someone doesn’t like the true you, they are not the right person to surround yourself with. This quote reminds me of new relationships.
I have a friend that becomes someone else every time she dates a new person. I think she is afraid no one will love her for who she is. Which, couldn’t be further from the truth. She is an amazing, smart, funny, interesting and beautiful woman. But for some reason, she feels she has to become a mirror of the person she is dating. What they like she likes, their favorite food becomes her favorite food. I’m sure you have known someone like that.
No one can sustain this for extended periods. She doesn’t see any of her friends because every free moment is spent with new guy. After a few months of dating, the “real” person starts to emerge, and the relationship becomes strained because the person she is dating can’t figure out why she has changed. Suddenly she doesn’t like to travel when the truth is she always hated traveling. She just acted like she loved it when they first started dating.
It is so important to be your authentic self when you are dating or starting a new relationship. I think marriages and relationships wouldn’t break as often if we showed the new person who we were from day one, not who we think they want us to be. We get each other to fall in love with some different version that we couldn’t possibly sustain. I’d rather be loved for who I am, not who I pretend to be for someone else. Let them run for the hills if who I am doesn’t interest them. The right person will come along and love all the things that made Mr. or Mrs. Not Right run for the hills.
When we try to be someone we are not to please the person we are dating we are cheating them, ourselves as well as the potential love we could have found who can love all that we are.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao Tzu-
Opening your heart and loving someone deeply can make you feel vulnerable. It is a scary thing. Watch this talk by Brene Brown and you will see that it is worth the risk of being hurt.
Can you see me now?
I work from home and when I’ve been staring at the computer for a few hours not even blinking, Cooper will make his way to my desk and then pop his head up from under the desk and climb on my chair or he will give me the stare down if I’m on the couch with my laptop. In the past, I would push him back down with a firm “not now I’m busy.” Last week I was walking the trail and kept thinking of Cooper and his “do you see me now moments.” I had an insight. Cooper, was once again teaching me a valuable lesson on being present with our loved ones and giving them our full attention.
How often do you see couples at dinner staring at their phones or the TV behind their date’s head instead of paying attention to each other? I’m guilty. It has become acceptable behavior, the norm. Then dinner is served and the focus is on eating. The check is paid and dinner is over. How much of that dinner was spent with the full focus on each other or even tasting the food?
Following Cooper’s example, we need to single to each other to “see me now.” We turn off our phones or put them on vibrate during movies. It is the rule after all. Let’s continue that practice when we are spending time with each other. Put the phone in airplane mode, no beeps, rings or dings to pull your attention away. Can we not spare an hour from our device to give each other our undivided attention?
When I got back from my walk I decided the brown-eyed stare down was an opportunity to take a stretch break and to get a glass of water. Now, I grab my water, give Cooper a scratch, open the back door so he can do a quick run in the yard. Toss the ball for a few minutes and enjoy the view. Then I head back to my task. It’s done wonders for helping me keep my water goal each day, and a quick stretch break helps me take a deep breath and has a calming effect when I get back at it. And Cooper either entertains himself with a toy he found in the yard or gets fascinated by a squirrel and is happy and content. He didn’t need hours of my time, just a moment or two to feel like he mattered and to know that I remembered he was an important part of my life. Isn’t that worth a few moments?
How to make stress your friend. I know the holidays can be stressful. I thought you might benefit from Kelly McGonical’s Ted Talk.
Daily Prompt
Silence
Communication is not just about talking or waiting for a silent break so you can jump in and give your two cents. Being a good listener doesn’t always require a response. A knowing nod, or simple comment is often all that is needed. Often times people tend to follow with a similar story of what happened to them. Sometimes people just need to be heard, and coming back with a story of your own may feel like you are relating to them, but it can also feel like you are saying, “you think that is bad, check this out” and in the process dismissing or diminishing what they just shared.
My pups Max and Cooper are always listening. I swear I can be downstairs with the kitchen door closed and they can be upstairs, and they can hear me open the refrigerator or crack open a chip bag. I knew dogs have an excellent sense of smell and hearing, but I didn’t think it was on the level of the Six Million Dollar Man or the Bionic Woman.
Unlike Max and Cooper, I don’t have the greatest hearing and more times than not, I find myself asking someone to repeat themselves. A sense of hearing is my problem child. I have always known that there is more to hearing than taking in the sounds that pass through your ears. The second prong is being a good listener. Over the years I’ve heard people say things such as “lean in” so they know you are interested, “nod” so they know you are on the same page with them, or they ask you to make eye contact. There seemed to be a lot of facets to listening. I put most of those nuggets into practice, and I thought I was a good listener.
I swallowed hard one day when I heard someone make a comment that people listen with the intent of replying and not learning. If ever I was guilty of something, it was listening with the intent of answering. It wasn’t that I felt my response would be earth-shattering or enlightening; it was more that I wanted to mentally prepare my position on what was said so I wouldn’t look like a deer in the headlights if asked. I had an added habit of interrupting because I was afraid of losing my thought if we got too far into the conversation.
Daily Prompt Age
In a recent post, I pondered the age-old question “Why are we here,” I added a quote my teacher had placed on a chalkboard by Richard Bach. “Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.”
I continue to make an effort to live my life to the fullest. To say yes to new experiences and not talk myself out of opportunities because of whatever lame excuse pops into my head. I work from home and find that I go days without leaving my house. Not the best step to living my life to the fullest.
I’m back in school working on my masters. Class started last week and I recognized my weekends would be filled with homework. Between working from home and doing homework, I was in danger of becoming a hermit. 🙂 Continue reading
Joyce Kostakis feeling inspired and brave enough to write. 