I think the saying time heals all wounds was meant to be soothing, but it can also be a double edge sword. Time can make you hold on to resentments. It can also keep you from giving people the opportunity to change, to see them in a different light. You continue to react to them based on their past behaviors setting up a continuous cycle. Waiting on time to heal your wound wastes the time you could have spent cherishing what precious time we have left. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. While you are letting “time” heal your wounds, you may lose the opportunity to bridge that friendship or relationship.
I never put much thought into the saying never go to bed angry until my brain bleed. What if the person you are mad at dies before you have forgiven them? What if someone dies before they have forgiven you? Things you wish you could have said or heard will never leave your lips or pass your ears. Moments you could have spent together during your cooling off period are lost forever.
I remember my sister telling me some ten years ago that she was afraid to make me mad because she was afraid I would cut her out of my life. Our parents had passed,
“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” ― Kurt Cobain
I love this quote. I saw it on twitter today. I agree it is much better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not. Stand in your integrity be authentic, and you will be loved for who you are. Not everyone will love “the true you.” So what. The people that see the real you and love you and all of your perceived flaws are the only people that matter. If someone doesn’t like the true you, they are not the right person to surround yourself with. This quote reminds me of new relationships.
I have a friend that becomes someone else every time she dates a new person. I think she is afraid no one will love her for who she is. Which, couldn’t be further from the truth. She is an amazing, smart, funny, interesting and beautiful woman. But for some reason, she feels she has to become a mirror of the person she is dating. What they like she likes, their favorite food becomes her favorite food. I’m sure you have known someone like that.
No one can sustain this for extended periods. She doesn’t see any of her friends because every free moment is spent with new guy. After a few months of dating, the “real” person starts to emerge, and the relationship becomes strained because the person she is dating can’t figure out why she has changed. Suddenly she doesn’t like to travel when the truth is she always hated traveling. She just acted like she loved it when they first started dating.
It is so important to be your authentic self when you are dating or starting a new relationship. I think marriages and relationships wouldn’t break as often if we showed the new person who we were from day one, not who we think they want us to be. We get each other to fall in love with some different version that we couldn’t possibly sustain. I’d rather be loved for who I am, not who I pretend to be for someone else. Let them run for the hills if who I am doesn’t interest them. The right person will come along and love all the things that made Mr. or Mrs. Not Right run for the hills.
When we try to be someone we are not to please the person we are dating we are cheating them, ourselves as well as the potential love we could have found who can love all that we are.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao Tzu-
Opening your heart and loving someone deeply can make you feel vulnerable. It is a scary thing. Watch this talk by Brene Brown and you will see that it is worth the risk of being hurt.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things– Not the great occasions– that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness. – Bob Hope
I had a glow of happiness today. During a meeting, I volunteered to draft out a detailed plan design of a project we are starting. After I hung up I wondered if it were possible to get everything documented in two days. I opened up my “shell” template for the plan design and realized I had already started it when we passed one of the main stage-gates a few months back. Bonus, I was far along in the documentation. The sweet glow of happiness filled the room.
Don’t forget to count these moments when you reflect on the things you are grateful for. I’m with Bob. These simple things are gems!
Sweet Cooper ain’t having it. Looks like I’ve got to get out there in the cold and take him for his walk. I think you would agree his look says “tell it to the paw cuz these beautiful ears ain’t listening to your lame lazy excuse. Now get your coat on and let’s roll.”
Only in quiet waters, things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world. -Hans Margolius
Others believing in you is nice but worthless if not matched by your own thought. – Scott Moore